Resolutions

I had originally intended on venting a few things from the holidays but instead, since it is now 2005 (55 mintes into it to be exact), I am going to be positive tonight. For the last 3 years I have titled my years, in a sense forcasting what I feel the year has in store for me. Resolutions don't ever seem to hold up and this way I am preparing myself in a broad sort of way and I can take it how I want. The first year, the year my parents were seperated and then divorced was my year of "New Beginnings". Every thing was new and felt as if I was forced to start all over from scratch on my thoughts, my actions, my feelings.... everything was new. The next year was a full year of them being divorced, I wanted changes from myself in my life and I could sense that that year (2004) would be my year of "Changes". I had spent a year learning how to get started in my new family situation and was starting to get a handle on how to work myself with it and with my own doings. I wanted to make major changes in my life and knew that it was going to take the whole year just to get it started, or at least to begin planning my changes. And I did, I got great new friends, I got a new job, my dad moved 8 miles away from me and my mom started dating - which was for sure a change to life, but best of all my sister got married - ok, so those are also a couple "beginnings" but for me they were more changes. But now after Starting New and Changing - I am tired of the stress - this year is "My Year". This year I am taking charge of me. I am going to go back to the me I once was before my life got "flipped, turned upside down", I am going to get my confidence back that I once had and get my life back. That 3 year time-out was a bit much and I am sure there are thoughts and words - verbal or silent- about my personal "break" from my life from certain people. Unfortunately these people I fear the thoughts from the most are ones that are close to me and because that hurts, I am going to take that hurt and make it mine. I am going to use that to show them that I am not weak and that I can deal with life. I will leave this entry at that - as I am heading toward my Holiday Rant and I was not going to go there tonight. I am just going to wish myself a Happy New Year and "Tomorrow is another day"