Babies and Birthdays

For anyone who remembers my former roomie and forever friend Sarah - Happy Birthday to her daughter Lily Anne Broman - 1 Years Old!! (unfortunately to get full attention from all three at one time for 6 cameras was a tuffy but here is the happy family and Big Girl Lily!)

Ben, Sarah, and Lily

Lily Broman

Being a big girl...

it's a big girl world now

full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small

i've been counting on nothing
but he keeps giving me his word
and i'm tired of hearing myself speak
do you get weary? do you ever get weak?
how do you dream when you can't fall asleep?

i've been wondering what you're thinking
and if you like my dress tonight
would you still say you love me under this ordinary moonlight?
i'm so afraid of what you'd say

i'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
i'd like to know if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

i used to think i was special
and only i have proved me wrong

it's a big girl world now
full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small

~Scratch, Kendall Payne

(Rather than quoting Meredith tonight I will borrow a great song from the ending)

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The Truth shall Set you Free...or Whatever!

Everyone is a liar until proven honest.

Lying is bad, or so we are told from birth.

The fact is... lying is a necessity.

We lie to ourselves because the truth...

well, the truth freaking hurts.

No matter how hard we try to ignore it...

or deny it... eventually the lies fall away.

Whether we like it or not.

But...Here's the truth about the truth....

It hurts... SO.... we lie.

Note to Self

I didn't come this far for you to make this hard for me.
And now you want to ask me "how"?

It's like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?

Why did you come here?
You weren't invited.
You were on the outside - Stay on the outside.
And now you want to ask me "why"?

It's like - how does your heart beat, and how do you cry?
How does your heart beat?

And there are some things that I'd like to figure out.
There are some things that I can do without -
Like you, and your letters that go on forever,
And you, and the people that were never friends.

With all the things that you could be,
You never could learn how to be me.
And now you want to ask me "how"?

It's like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How do you breathe?

~"How" - Lisa Loeb

Motivation of the New Year

2006 has begun, in case you haven't noticed. I have been making good with resolutions so far (day 5 of 2006 - not too bad). Done with holidays, done with family stuff, done with food, food, and more food. My goodness the holidays are rough. So now life is getting back to normal. Today I have to say that the worst part of all that stuff is the inability to get things back to normal.

I did a "cleaning" of the homefront. Threw out all the junk food and left over garbage food from the past 3 weeks (gross! I know!) Yesterday I even decided to start the New Year with a little rearranging. There isn't much I can do with my furniture because of the odd angles and lack of room in general but I made it work. It looks fun for now. I will see if it becomes more of an annoyance in the coming days.

Then today I come to work and UGH! I think it's the lack of sales from the last 3 weeks that have me down right now. I have little energy to continue on projects that are in the "pending" pile and I just can't seem to focus. It is bothering me to no end so I have to get my head back into it. I am also starting to think more on the lack of my "other" job. I am getting to a place where I don't really need the money anymore but the guilt is always there for quitting (or not). Don't get me wrong, I need the money but I need to get my head in a happier place than the past year and allow myself to be better at home and at my real job.... not make it through the week and see where I have left over energy for the other job. After some considerable thought yesterday, I have started to conclude that cutting that tie might be in my best interest. I love the people and will miss them. But I can not focus on myself and my life right now if I have to worry about that too. I am finally in a place of my life finally where I am not so worried about how things are going to get paid. I would like to start taking that time that I used to have to spend finding the funds to live and turn that time into time to better myself and my happiness. I guess call it a NEW New Year's Resolution. Wish me luck!