The Engagement

I was watching a show this morning where a character said something to the effect of: "I spent my life wanting more in love and having my mother tell me you can never depend on guys... and now she is on cloud 9 and I am having trouble being happy." I guess that has been my big thing throughout this whole nutso experience. I wouldn't say my mom ever really gave me that warning in so many words but the way my parents relationship was and was acted out was in that sort of manner. I may have never dated anyone that was prince charming and "perfect" but they weren't all scum and yet I was always hearing "are you sure about him?" and always being reminded of the bad qualities that I was probably trying to over look. So now she is happy and I can't help but judge the happy. I feel as though sometimes it just isn't right - like I am just being jealous of the happy that she is that I seem to run away from. But then I also can't hide from my intuition that she questions it in the back of her head too but will never ever say it. And that is fine - why question love - can't fix it if it ain't broken right?

It has now been a week since the news. Although, it seems to be my "job" to tell Dad, I haven't gotten to that yet. I am just discovering that I am ok with it in the last day or so and when I had seen him last it had only been about 24 hours so I wasn't quite ready to break news that I was sure of yet... and I would like to talk to him in person so he doesn't think about it on the highway somewhere. I think he would expect it but I don't think he will react like he is thrilled. What do you do?

The plans as of yet are oddly simple... get married as soon as possible, in the backyard of mom's house... it all seems a bit hasty but who am I? I was talking with her the other day about her name and she said she is considering the hyphen thing so she can leave her artwork as is. But then I started pointing out all the things she will have to change her name one... SS Card, credit cards, drivers licence.... I think she stopped breathing. hehe It will all be good though - no matter how or when as long as she is happy!!!

I want to say .... how can you not be happy about this? A man who has never been engaged to anyone in his life (to the best of my knowledge) although has had girlfriends for long periods of time... is now asking to spend the rest of his life taking care of my mom after only 16 months of dating. How can you not be happy that he feels that perfect with my mom? I know that I am taking alot more time getting used to this whole thing than everyone else but I will come around. I just don't have the distractions in life that everyone else has to keep them level headed and just passing out "I am SOOO happy for you"s and "He is so fantastic"s when needed. I love my mom and I love Wayne from making her happier than she has ever been. I know that Grandma is grinning from ear to ear so see this silly daughter of hers acting like a love-sick teenager ... or actually maybe shaking her head a bit with a little "oh, for Pete's Sake" but smiling none the less...