HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2007

Broken

Wake up to a sunny day
not a cloud up in the sky,
then it starts to rain
My defenses hit the ground,
And they shatter all around.
So open and exposed.

I found strength in the struggle.
Face to face with my trouble.

When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore.
Every tear falls down for a reason.
Don't you stop believing in your self.
When you're broken.

Little girl don't be so blue,
I know what you're goin through.
Don't let it beat you up.
Hitting walls and getting scars only makes you who you are...
Only makes you who you are.
No matter how much your heart is aching,
there is beauty in the breaking....
Yeah...

When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore.
Every tear falls down for a reason.
Don't you stop believing in yourself.
When you're broken.

Better days are gonna find you once again every piece will find its place!

Lyrics - Lindsay Haun, "Broken" from "Broken Bridges"

SAY IT RIGHT ~Nelly Furtado

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand
Or you fall
When your will
Is broken
When it slips
From your hand
When there's no
Time for joking
There's a hole
In my plan

That I'm not Lost
And at fault
I can't say
That I don't
Love the light
And the dark
I can't say
That I don't
Know that
I Am alive
And I love
What I feel
I could show
You tonite, you tonite

From my hands
I could give you
Something
That I made
From my mouth
I could sing you
Another bridge
That I made
From my body
I could show you
A place
God knows
You should know
Space is holy
Do you really
Wanna go?

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

What's In Store...

April 24, 2006 Horoscope
Going places is very much on your mind, Jaime - perhaps travel by air to countries across the ocean. A friend might propose that you take a trip together. You might also find yourself thinking of going back to school, as a new interest may have opened up for you and you're going to be quite curious to learn more about it. Careful planning is necessary for whatever you may decide to do today. Don't rush into anything.

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I am so excited to get out of here for a few days!! I leave Saturady bright and early for a cruise to Jamaica. It has been so strange to think of doing this for the last year that it is just now sinking in 5 days before going. I have got everything almost all packed up, just trying to tie up loose ends...make sure the house is cleaned up, cats are taken care of, food is out of the fridge, bills are paid. I am just trying to take it easy so I don't rush and forget everything.

Flavor of the Month

My favorite song of the month... it is actually from 2005 but sometimes it takes a bit to get your hands on the song and really dig your teeth in... :-D

How to Save a Life - The Fray
from "How to Save a Life" (2005)

Play

Life is not a spectator sport. Win lose or draw, the game is in progress whether we want it to be or not.

So go ahead... Argue with the Refs, change the rules, cheat a little, take a break and tend to your wounds. But play...play hard, play fast, play loose and free.
Play as if there is no tomorrow.

It’s not whether you win or lose – it is how you play the game.

28 & Counting

You spend your whole life looking forward to what will happen next. At a young age you just want to know what will happen in the next hour. When you are a teenager you just can't wait to be out of the underclassmen status and into the upper classmen and then to graduation to get out of High School forever but still you haven't even begun to imagine life after HS. Then you begin college and you spend so much time planning the next 5 year... getting through college with the degrees you strive for and getting that dream job. And then life after schooling is over or mostly over is a whole other story.

For one, I am having a hard time believing that in 2 months it will have been 10 years since I was in HS. How the HELL did that happen? And yes, it sort of makes me question what I have done with my life. I mean, I look at my yearbook and can count the people that have kids (not me), the people that are married (not me), the people that have been divorced (obviously not me), the people that have travelled (maybe me a little), the people that have been to Iraq, and the people that are no longer with us. I know that I have made alot of my life and I am very happy with where I am... but is it fair to say that this is the time of your life that you just suddenly say... what have I done?

Then there is the big birthday. Ok, contrary to my Dad thinking I was 30 already... I did only just turn 28... but you know what that means. Now I look at what I have done and what is still ahead and wonder if I have wasted time. I know that on one end I have travelled a bit and plan/hope to travel more in the next year or so... all of which will be more difficult once the "settle down" stage kicks in. But on the flip side... while everyone else is getting married, having babies, and making homes... i am still wandering. I think in the long run I will be happy because I have taken the time to live my life and get accustomed to who I am and what I want from life. I think I am just starting to realize that I am getting to "a point".

Every year on your birthday, the one question you get from everyone is: "so, do you feel older today?". This year my answer was not that I felt older (because lack of sleep for a couple days any year makes me feel older) but that I felt more grown up. I now feel that I have to start getting serious. My little sister is married and having that "start a family" itch. My mom is getting REmarried and is happy as a seventeen year old. I need to start getting serious about what I am doing with my life. "There is no rush" is true until one day you wake up and you are too old to have kids, or can only have one if you are lucky enough to make that. One day you are so old that if you do have kids you are 65 when they graduate HS. One day I just want to be able to have it all and not regret and not miss out. Can you have all of that? It is all just more real when you put into perspective that in less than 2 years I will be 30... 30 (did you get that)... 3 - 0! And when you really want time to fine the right person and be with them before you have kids too... this just can't happen in 2 years so at this point I am looking well beyond that or maybe not... anything is possible. Today must just be a day where things look impossible or far from reach.

I guess I have already stuck threw listening to everyone else's opinions in their own lives - not applied to me but they are said to me... "..don't want to be 30 and just starting to have kids" - "my friend wanted to live life and find the perfect man and now she is 42 and single((chuckles))" ... and the worst part is the "couples and kids" gatherings that you just don't qualify for yet making you either the odd-ball friend or the "babysitter" so your mom friends have time to think while they "spend" time with you.

So now I am just wondering... what to do first and it is worth the worry? When should I start seriously counting days?

St. Patty's Humor!

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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Happy Spring Everyone!!

The Engagement

I was watching a show this morning where a character said something to the effect of: "I spent my life wanting more in love and having my mother tell me you can never depend on guys... and now she is on cloud 9 and I am having trouble being happy." I guess that has been my big thing throughout this whole nutso experience. I wouldn't say my mom ever really gave me that warning in so many words but the way my parents relationship was and was acted out was in that sort of manner. I may have never dated anyone that was prince charming and "perfect" but they weren't all scum and yet I was always hearing "are you sure about him?" and always being reminded of the bad qualities that I was probably trying to over look. So now she is happy and I can't help but judge the happy. I feel as though sometimes it just isn't right - like I am just being jealous of the happy that she is that I seem to run away from. But then I also can't hide from my intuition that she questions it in the back of her head too but will never ever say it. And that is fine - why question love - can't fix it if it ain't broken right?

It has now been a week since the news. Although, it seems to be my "job" to tell Dad, I haven't gotten to that yet. I am just discovering that I am ok with it in the last day or so and when I had seen him last it had only been about 24 hours so I wasn't quite ready to break news that I was sure of yet... and I would like to talk to him in person so he doesn't think about it on the highway somewhere. I think he would expect it but I don't think he will react like he is thrilled. What do you do?

The plans as of yet are oddly simple... get married as soon as possible, in the backyard of mom's house... it all seems a bit hasty but who am I? I was talking with her the other day about her name and she said she is considering the hyphen thing so she can leave her artwork as is. But then I started pointing out all the things she will have to change her name one... SS Card, credit cards, drivers licence.... I think she stopped breathing. hehe It will all be good though - no matter how or when as long as she is happy!!!

I want to say .... how can you not be happy about this? A man who has never been engaged to anyone in his life (to the best of my knowledge) although has had girlfriends for long periods of time... is now asking to spend the rest of his life taking care of my mom after only 16 months of dating. How can you not be happy that he feels that perfect with my mom? I know that I am taking alot more time getting used to this whole thing than everyone else but I will come around. I just don't have the distractions in life that everyone else has to keep them level headed and just passing out "I am SOOO happy for you"s and "He is so fantastic"s when needed. I love my mom and I love Wayne from making her happier than she has ever been. I know that Grandma is grinning from ear to ear so see this silly daughter of hers acting like a love-sick teenager ... or actually maybe shaking her head a bit with a little "oh, for Pete's Sake" but smiling none the less...

**Imperfections**

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure,it spoke to the woman one day by the stream."I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw.But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path.

My other LOVE

Since it a "single" V-day once again... I will share one of my other loves... you saw the princess below. This is the big brother, and yes, that is a 20# big brother Tigger. Previously I thought it would be cruel to post a pic of him with his new "do" but I think it is adorable and he seems to like it too. I is my new lil Simba!! hehe. I hope everyone has/had a great day and wonderfull week. Love and kisses to all!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Jaime

Another Day.....

Today I lost another friend. This getting older thing stinks. Days go by, you meet more people and you lose touch with the ones that meant something or alot. Everyday I try to remember that I need to be better at staying in touch. I need to be better at calling. I need to be better. And then comes the call that someone you know and has meant alot to you, but apparently not enough to actually follow through with a phone call when I thought of it, has died. Ironic thing was, I saw, what in retrospect was him cleaning up loose ends, and thought about how I needed to call him. I know calling him wouldn't have stopped anything from happening but you still can't help but wonder or at least wish you had that last time at least to say Hi and Thank you. I say this not because I feel it is my fault or that I think I have some all-mighty power to change things but more to say...if you love someone or care about anyone - say it. If you think of someone, call them - don't wait to be called. If you have a falling out with someone who really does mean something to you - let it fall and pick up at a better place and go foward - don't leave them on the other side of that burned bridge. We just never know when nature, accident, or sadness will take someone away from us to a place where a phone call or letter will not reach.


From: Free Bird, Lynyard Skynard
Bye, bye baby it’s been sweet love yeah
Though this feeling I can’t change
Please don’t take it so badly
Cause the Lord knows I’m to blame
If I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn’t be the same
Cause I’m as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change

**I am sorry that felt leaving was better than staying but I hope you left knowing you really were loved**

**Needless to say, I didn't get a thing done today and no concentration. I spent the whole day thinking, at some point I would wake up and this will have all been a bad dream. But I am still awake and the day is still weird. And tomorrow is another day....

Babies and Birthdays

For anyone who remembers my former roomie and forever friend Sarah - Happy Birthday to her daughter Lily Anne Broman - 1 Years Old!! (unfortunately to get full attention from all three at one time for 6 cameras was a tuffy but here is the happy family and Big Girl Lily!)

Ben, Sarah, and Lily

Lily Broman

Being a big girl...

it's a big girl world now

full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small

i've been counting on nothing
but he keeps giving me his word
and i'm tired of hearing myself speak
do you get weary? do you ever get weak?
how do you dream when you can't fall asleep?

i've been wondering what you're thinking
and if you like my dress tonight
would you still say you love me under this ordinary moonlight?
i'm so afraid of what you'd say

i'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
i'd like to know if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

i used to think i was special
and only i have proved me wrong

it's a big girl world now
full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small

~Scratch, Kendall Payne

(Rather than quoting Meredith tonight I will borrow a great song from the ending)

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The Truth shall Set you Free...or Whatever!

Everyone is a liar until proven honest.

Lying is bad, or so we are told from birth.

The fact is... lying is a necessity.

We lie to ourselves because the truth...

well, the truth freaking hurts.

No matter how hard we try to ignore it...

or deny it... eventually the lies fall away.

Whether we like it or not.

But...Here's the truth about the truth....

It hurts... SO.... we lie.