I meant to say....

... to you that I was embarrassed by your actions. You made my whole life look like it was a crime. You made people look at me differently for the choices you made.
... to you that you are my best friend. You will always be that person to me no matter what. I look to you for guidance, support and strength. There have been days were I have missed you in the room with me but am glad to know that you are only a phone call away.
... to you that I was saddened not by your failure to repair your life together but by your lack of strength to take the life you made like a grown up.
... to you that I do like what you have done with your life but you don't need my approval - you have my love and support.
... to you that I am always looking out for you; in good or bad, for better or for worse. I was never against you I was only looking out for you.
... to you that I didn't realize until you were gone how much I was going to miss you. I didn't realize the impact that one loss could have on so many people but our lives have been uprooted ever since. Like we would have expected, you gave us no time to let you go - you just left us. I hope you are happy and look upon us with as much happiness as we are trying for. Forgive those of us that have lost control and are still trying to find our way. But I hope that you are proud of us for coming as far as we have.
... to you I know what was going on when you weren't coming home at night. I was not blind, just stupid for going along like it never happened and then feeling hurt when you denied it to the end.
... to you that I am glad to have you as my friend. I am glad to be as important to you as you are to me. There is nothing a girl needs more than a friend who is there no matter what.
... to you that I loved you every day and then even a few after. That even when you pushed me away, I only stuck by because I know it was your way of asking for help. And through it all I still call you one of my best friends.
... to you that when you thought you were getting me to open up and be this "better" person - you were giving me the gift of humiliation, confusion, and betrayal in a nice pretty friendship package with a pretty red bow. It was the lack of rescue you provided that night that made me realize that your priority wasn't protecting your friend from being held against my will in the other room by someone neither of us really knew, it was conquest among the coats.
... to you, when I was feeling good and worth something you walked away leaving me with my own explanations. Now I have to live with the choices I made with those "explanations" and decide if you can take what you get the second time around or if you will just use it as round two and move on again. I don't blame you for my actions only for not being a man and speaking up when it was needed.
... to you that I will always appreciate the fact that you found the courage to come to me after so long and tell me that you were sorry. I am not sure I would have had been able to do that.
... to you that when you throw around your moral superiority - you tend to lack the ability to think about the person on the recieving end of the verbals. You forget that your morals and beliefs are appreciated but sometimes the preaching comes more as insult to those who have chosen a different path. I have done what I have done and I take none of it back. I believe that I make choices and those choices have consequences. I believe that there is a higher being and that being is God but I also believe that He likes me to think for myself and look to him for guidance. We have a strong relationship and we like it the way it is. Trust me - we've talked about it.
... to you that you are a grown up. Live like one. Make your own choices, do your own thing, balance your own check book, live on your own, pay your own bills, be your own person... it is scary - believe you, me - it is. But you will love yourself and your life so much more knowing that it was you and you alone that got you there. You can make your own messes and clean them up all on your own. You can be your own person and celebrate how you want to, when you want to. You are a great person and you can be so much more than you allow yourself to be. Just be it.
... to you that you are losing control. You sometimes seem to loose your grip on reality because there needs to be drama to cover the real life messes and confusion. I something think that you have distorted what is really going on to a point of no return. I can't help but wonder what I did wrong to let you get that far away from me. I can't help but wonder if there was more I could done to influence you better. I can't help but wonder if it was the influence I did give that sent you here.
... to you that when you repeatedly tell me how much you do every day that I can't help but take it as a big rub in the face about what I am not doing.
... to you that when you shopped around on my career I took it personally. Why am I not good enough at my job to even be asked to help you out?
... to you that you are great person and don't give yourself enough credit. You will overcome all the things that have lingered over your life and will forever. You will always have great friends that you have gained over the years and more to come. You will find love in the strangest place and you will just have to let it in. You will be successfull in all you do because you believe in yourself. No one else is needed to do all this - just your belief in yourself, your love for yourself and others and that smile and laugh then wins them all over everytme.