IF...

"If everyone cared, and nobody cried. If everyone loved, and nobody lied. If everyone shared, and swallowed their pride..." - Nickelback, All the Right Reasons

So I am full of quotes, poems and lyrics. I am full of thoughts, and words, and curses, and compliments. I can't believe just how much goes on in my head at one times somedays. Today, I made another attempt to open up to someone that has repeatedly wanted me on their time. Now I try to give the benefit of the doubt and I try to thing - the plans wern't 100% so why should I be mad that they didn't even happen. But the truth of the matter is that even though there aren't any set plans there is the hope of a rendevous. There isn't any commitment because we are still trying to figure out what is here but yet I want something more than just the fundamental idea. I am just starting to get it in my head that maybe he really does like me. Maybe he really did like me before and made a mistake. Maybe this time he would be the one that left for not apparent reason that actually did come back. And then today - then today I sit here and think about how my life repeats... I hear the same "you will find someone that deserves you" crap but in the end unless that person is in some line somewhere and has just filled out some application for me... I am not sure what direction I am supposed to go. And I am not sure why I am continually having to repeat this confusion and why I feel like only one in this place. But I know that I am not and I know that it will all be better and I am just mad over silliness. My one question is: why does the universe play with your heart and head the way it does? Why does it give you stuff that you think you can deal with and then dangle it like a toy on a string?